Will I Ever Be "Normal" Again? Part 2

ANXIETY

In my experiences, I have found that people who do not "suffer" anxiety simply don't get it. They may try or nod their head as though they understand but it's pretty clear they don't. It is much easier to talk to people with anxiety as they have a real understanding obviously. You can really tell when people understand because there is a high resistance to talk about it as the thought alone can bring on Anxiety! You can see the fear in peoples eyes when discussing it, just as I have to when talking about my own. 

Imagine you had a Mini Jesus on one shoulder and The Devil's Spawn on the other! I say the Devil's "Spawn" because he has not grown up yet, creating little plots that make you mind twist and Jesus, Jesus has lost his voice!

Depression and anxiety work hand in hand and it can be tricky to tell them apart at times.

The sleepless nights with my brain running a million miles per hour, the lack of motivation or physical uncomfort that it can provide.

Here is where it differs. The constant feeling of fear, the cold and sweaty hands when things start to become to much in which I then can't sit still. I need to fidget, whipping sweaty hands on my jeans - up an down, up an down, the lack of breath with my heart beating at a extraordinary rate. That is not the only effects it has over me. My muscles feel constantly tense to the point I need to have cold showers 2 -3 a day, sometimes more in a day just to loosen up my muscles and get 15 minute energy burst and also becoming extremely dizzy and nauseous!  

It's exhausting. I can't help but to break at times. It could just be a Anxiety Attack (thought overload which causes the body to become more alert so my muscles tense up) or worst yet, fall into a Panic Attack (Anxiety attack plus the inability to breath properly, heart beating enough to think that I am having a mild heart attack, feeling that I have failed everything and that's the way it is going to be! And that's were the thought of "What is the point living comes into play).

How do I get the Devils Spawn off my shoulder? 
He is constantly telling me things such as: 

"You’re not good enough, You’re a bad friend, You’re not good at your job, You’re a waste of time and so much more"!

Imagine constantly telling yourself over and over little things like this. For me, I feel worthless. 

It's infuriating because I know, I know that most of it is not true but Mini Jesus has lost his voice to confirm this for me.

 With watery eyes. I can honestly say I hate anxiety but I know it's something I need to learn how to control with medication, therapy and life styles changes.

With these there things, the devils spawn is becoming outdated and Mini Jesus is on the rise again.