5 Lesson I learnt Through Depression

It took me many years to figure out something was wrong with me. I was too uncomfortable with myself and feared the outside world too much to even enjoy a night out. I worried something might happen that I couldn’t handle or that I could not be

the social butterfly that people knew me for. I consumed drugs and drank way too much in order to fit in. Really, all I wanted was to be home "alone" in darkness. So I spent a lot of time losing myself in T.V., PlayStation and eating bad food. Even when in my dark cave. I was scared but scared of what?, I didn't feel sane but it is where I felt most comfortable.

With constant fear and the heavy feeling of sadness, I knew I needed help. I was tired of feeling deeply alone!

I called BeyondBlue and asked for help. I was walked through how to find a psychologist who helped me to begin my journey up and out of depression.

I was lucky enough to get a fantastic psychologist. We connect quite fast. I started with a mass vent as I thought I knew what my issues were. I was stopped and we had to back travel. Family history and my own. It made sense to me. I was spitting out so much that she would have had no clue what would be going on with no knowledge of who I am.

I walked out of my first session smiling for myself for hours. I felt amazing and I couldn't wait for my second appointment.

I have learnt so much about myself, how to deal with my emotions in better ways, breathing techniques, that it's ok to ask questions if I don't understand and to be happy with myself rather than being self-conscious.

Here are five lessons I have learnt that may be able to help others!

1.  I Set Limits with Relationships, Even if it Angered Someone

I mean I didn't go out of my way to create drama with those I felt uncomfortable around. I just started to speak up about my mental health and expressing my emotions. I stopped pleasing others just to keep the peace and stopped letting people take advantage of my kindness.

I set limits for myself towards others. I started to say "NO" and to stand up for myself by being honest with others. It's not always pleasant but if I have attempted to provide an understanding (sometimes it can take a few attempts) then I am happy with myself. It's then up to the other to try and understand or at least accept no or the honesty.

We can not control how others react or predict other people's emotions but as long as I am truthful to myself, it creates it's own happiness within the soul and it's defiantly something I feel within.

2.  I Stepped Out of My Comfort Zone

I was so scared of finding out the real answer to my mental health. I didn't understand Mental Health and I only knew the stigma around it.

The best thing I have done was asking for help. Anxiety reached high levels but overcoming the fear of talking about it has given me a much better understanding of my mental issues and how to deal with them.

This has taught me that I need to step into the uncomfortable zones because if we are comfortable, we are not really progressing or moving forward.

This has helped in many situations and taught the difference between being anxious and having anxiety.

3. I Make Sure I Allocate Time to Myself.

In the begging of my depression, I would try and fill the emptiness inside with many outings in order to make me feel better. Drugs, booze, sex and so more.

Once I cut right down on these bad habits and spent some time to myself, I also got to think for myself.

It's what I call "Ty Time" and I use it to connect with myself again. From there I could really think about what "I" wanted from life and what really makes me happy. Not only that but to recharge my mind, the body and soul.

4. Create Goals and Stick To Them.

Throughout my life, I had a tendency to talk things up a bit. The million and one things I wanted to do, say to people what I will be doing but most of the time I didn't follow through on my choices or just I didn't action anything.

I now use my Ty Time to decide what is best for me, what I want from life and now spend some time every day working on my goals and pushing forward with them.

I slowly knock off my goals 1 by 1 and no matter how small the goal maybe. The feeling of achievement is great every time.

5. Give The Control Back To Myself

I control myself. No one should be able to take control of how I feel inside or what my emotion and values are. I have learnt to own them and how to deal with negative moods in a better way.

I stopped looking for people's approval by acting out and not being true to myself. I was not happy with the person I was. Reaching out for attention

Isn't me anymore and tell myself that I am on the right path and to keep on peddling.

I didn't get to choose many things that happened through childhood but as an adult, I need to take responsibility and choose the path I walk.

I made the choice that depression will not beat me and I am now ready to tackle it head on.

#TynanO

#Blogcheif

Will I Ever Be "Normal" Again? Part 2

ANXIETY

In my experiences, I have found that people who do not "suffer" anxiety simply don't get it. They may try or nod their head as though they understand but it's pretty clear they don't. It is much easier to talk to people with anxiety as they have a real understanding obviously. You can really tell when people understand because there is a high resistance to talk about it as the thought alone can bring on Anxiety! You can see the fear in peoples eyes when discussing it, just as I have to when talking about my own. 

Imagine you had a Mini Jesus on one shoulder and The Devil's Spawn on the other! I say the Devil's "Spawn" because he has not grown up yet, creating little plots that make you mind twist and Jesus, Jesus has lost his voice!

Depression and anxiety work hand in hand and it can be tricky to tell them apart at times.

The sleepless nights with my brain running a million miles per hour, the lack of motivation or physical uncomfort that it can provide.

Here is where it differs. The constant feeling of fear, the cold and sweaty hands when things start to become to much in which I then can't sit still. I need to fidget, whipping sweaty hands on my jeans - up an down, up an down, the lack of breath with my heart beating at a extraordinary rate. That is not the only effects it has over me. My muscles feel constantly tense to the point I need to have cold showers 2 -3 a day, sometimes more in a day just to loosen up my muscles and get 15 minute energy burst and also becoming extremely dizzy and nauseous!  

It's exhausting. I can't help but to break at times. It could just be a Anxiety Attack (thought overload which causes the body to become more alert so my muscles tense up) or worst yet, fall into a Panic Attack (Anxiety attack plus the inability to breath properly, heart beating enough to think that I am having a mild heart attack, feeling that I have failed everything and that's the way it is going to be! And that's were the thought of "What is the point living comes into play).

How do I get the Devils Spawn off my shoulder? 
He is constantly telling me things such as: 

"You’re not good enough, You’re a bad friend, You’re not good at your job, You’re a waste of time and so much more"!

Imagine constantly telling yourself over and over little things like this. For me, I feel worthless. 

It's infuriating because I know, I know that most of it is not true but Mini Jesus has lost his voice to confirm this for me.

 With watery eyes. I can honestly say I hate anxiety but I know it's something I need to learn how to control with medication, therapy and life styles changes.

With these there things, the devils spawn is becoming outdated and Mini Jesus is on the rise again.