My Autistic Brother, My Life Saver

Through out my depression, at first I could only see negative. No brightness at the end of the road. A country road with no street lights or signs to direct me. 

"Tunnel vision of darkness"

My autistic brother is my shooting start down this long confusing dusty road. The star that guides me towards in the right direction to light. He gave, gives me hope. A meaning to live and shine bright.

Not long ago, I had a dream that my brother was going through a Panic Attack. If this is something you have experienced in your life. Then you know it is something you would not wish upon your worst enemy.

This is the first dream I have experienced in many years. 

So I felt it really meant something. I msg'd my brother first thing in the morning asking if he is ok. 

His response was "Nar, not really" 

(Talk about brothers instinct!)

Now, let's back track.

My brother grew up with Autism & ADD, my self just ADHD. We did not connect at all. We actually hated each other for many years growing up. Two completely different personalities that clashed an clashed a lot. We dealt with many issues in completely different ways. We didn't understand each other. We were children, so a lot comes from growth and life lessons that have come changed this relationship.

Now day's he is my ROCK! My knight in shining armour. 

When I sank into deep depression. He was the only person I could really trust. 

Things changed from hate to a silent understanding. The reason why I say silent is because I was never ready to talk about my depression. I didn't know enough to talk about it but he provided me with comfort and the way I needed. We would play game's in silence, watch movies in silence. I would simply get home and ask "can you you watch a movie with me"?, "are you keen to play play station"? We connected in silence but I now knew my brother has got my back. 

Through this new found yet always brother love connection. He became my hope. A reason to live. I need to be strong and support my brother just has he has done for me without even knowing.

There has always been a perception of my brother. One of which many may call lazy or unable to things due to his autism. My perfection of this is completely different. A genius!

The way he can take information in, is extraordinary and as I can not take information in well at all this is a treat I highly admire him for but not only that he can speak to me in a language I understand.

      
  

My perception of my brother was not that he had Autism, yet he suffered anxiety & depression. 

Of Course you would feel like you can't do anything if this what is constantly advised this but how does one succeed if not provided the tools to grow and experience life in his own way. 

Again this was my perception and I knew this. 

We now go back to after my dream as I met with my brother later that night. We went to a place were we felt very comfortable. A video game bar Spawn Point  with nothing but awesome nerds and great staff.

As I had my own perception of him. I also know that we wear masks in order to cover our depression.

I advised him, "I feel that you don't autism and are suffering from anxiety/depression much like myself but how do you feel inside?

"I have autism." He responds.I said "How do you know unless getting another a check up"?

I simply needed to understand so I had to ask more question.

He advised me that he has done his research are there is defiantly similarities.

I now understand because I asked the questions and he provided the answer's. 

Research is the key to many things.

This is how found out about my anxiety/depression disorder prior to seeing doctors and even they couldn't tell me until I pin pointed everything from my own research.

My brother has come to his own conclusion. Once again, I remind you that he can take information into his brain in a extraordinary way. How canI not believe someone who provides me a understanding of so many things.

 My relationship with autistic brother in which I say PROUDLY has become so strong that this is what gets me through my depression, my anxiety and panic attacks. I think of how my brother has been my rock and I need to be his.

Sometimes I feel it is he an I against the world and I need to be a team player. I can't just give up and leave him here to deal with world alone. 

'My Autistic Brother Brother Is My Life Saver' in more ways then written. He has saved my thought process of self-destruct countless times.

Lots Of Love 

#TynanO

#BlogChief

My Autistic Brother, My Life Saver